Cookerpedia - User contributions [en-gb]

David Graham

2022-02-13T00:04:06Z

JoelsFavCarpark:

[[Category:Cookers]]
{{CookerInfoBox
| image = [[File:Kanga.jpg]]
| age = Looks like hes at least 50, in reality is likely to only be about 35 or so
| gender = Hobbit
| occupation = Concretor, but one suspects the sacks of concrete sand are almost bigger than he is
| location = Wollongong, New South Wales
| height = Gnarly and gnome-like in stature
| weight = how fat can you be when you exist off tinnies, winnie blues and shard?
| affiliations = Hawkesbury River Houseboat Owners Co-operative, Hobbiton
| aliases = Kanga Guru
| instagram = https://www.instagram.com/
| twitter = http://www.twitter.com/
| facebook = https://www.facebook.com/gurudownunder/ https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070112163873
| telegram = idk
}}
Sovshit with Severe Substance-Abuse Sleep Dep

== About Kanga Dave ==
David Graham AKA Kanga Guru is an angry little troll who crawled out of some back of Bourke hick town opium den after being lured out by the whiff of sweet sweet grift gofuckme funds by friend, fellow sovshit redneck and glass barbie enthusiast [[James Greer|Jimmy Greer]]. He is frequently seen beside his master, [[Riccardo Bosi|Riccardo Bosi]].

Guru is well known for live streaming a [https://twitter.com/CassidyRipRide/status/1491991636922241026?s=20 conversation with his meth dealer] at Cookerchella.

== Beliefs ==
Talking about the quality of your 'gear' with your dealer, whilst live streaming

== Cooker Influencer Cred/Claim to Fames ==
None that our researchers have been able to uncover, which is puzzling given notoriously tough crowd of Freedom bravehearts have been remarkably accommodating of this newcomer commandeering megaphone rights and have been seen tolerating the incoherent racist delusional rantings of this crackhead.

Guru's most cooked moment was probably when he advocated for [https://twitter.com/LizardHumanoid/status/1490543322133590019 '''bombing Parliament House'''] in front of a roaring crowd.

<youtube>J1sWDNHoRGk</youtube>

== Personal Life ==
The Guru lives on a boat.

==Double Agent Allegations==
No intelligence agency, police human asset case manager or just graduated journalism student in their first job at some obscure regional news company who are in full possession of their mental faculties would entertain the idea of engaging this offtap cooker as a source, the bloke is a deadset liability. Unless they happened to be a high-functioning methamphetamine addict that is, then using Kanga Kooker as a source would be a smart move. The bloke clearly gets the best shit in town

Tami Jane

2022-02-12T23:48:16Z

JoelsFavCarpark:

[[Category:Cookers]]
{{CookerInfoBox
| image = [[File:TAMI.png]]
| age = 32
| gender = Female Conforming
| location = Melbourne, Australia
| occupation = Anti-science "alternative medicine" grifter
| height = 5'1"
| weight = 70kg
| affiliations = unknown
| aliases = Shit Hat, Cold Sore
| instagram = idk
| facebook = https://www.facebook.com/Tamijaneheals
| telegram = idk
}}
Tami Jane, AKA Shit Hat, is a sov cit, crystal/magic enthusiast, cooker and former Real Estate agent from Melbourne, Australia.

== About Tami ==

Tami Likes to wear a really shit hat, and sports a variety of cold sores, in many different liveries, and head for the hills at the first sign of the chance of getting arrested. She also claims to be moving to England, which will be interesting to see as she doesn't have any form of income.

On Saturday the 12th of February 2022, Tami stated she was going to conclude her hardcore week of activism, by having a luxury weekend away with her beau.

== Beliefs ==
* Healing crystals
** Magic
* Tunnels under parliament
* Probably collecting dream catchers
* A coward always runs away and lives to run another day
* bad makeup effectively covers coldsores
* donation moneys are for nice things.

Cooker doof 2022

2022-02-12T08:45:08Z

JoelsFavCarpark:

=== Line Up ===

The line-up of Cooker Doof has been touted to contain following songs sung on repeat, by musical 'Artists' of various levels of singing ability.

* I am Australian
* True Blue
* Waltzing Maltida

=== Tour Rumours ===

Talk within the camp has indicate that the deceased front man of INSX man make an appearance.

Cooker doof 2022

2022-02-12T08:44:56Z

JoelsFavCarpark: Created page with "== Cooker Doof 2022 == === Line Up === The line-up of Cooker Doof has been touted to contain following songs sung on repeat, by musical 'Artists' of various levels of singing ability. * I am Australian * True Blue * Waltzing Maltida === Tour Rumours === Talk within the camp has indicate that the deceased front man of INSX man make an appearance."

== Cooker Doof 2022 ==

=== Line Up ===

The line-up of Cooker Doof has been touted to contain following songs sung on repeat, by musical 'Artists' of various levels of singing ability.

* I am Australian
* True Blue
* Waltzing Maltida

=== Tour Rumours ===

Talk within the camp has indicate that the deceased front man of INSX man make an appearance.

Anthony Burge

2022-02-12T06:01:53Z

JoelsFavCarpark:

[[Category:Cookers]]
{{CookerInfoBox
| image = [[File:Burge.PNG]]
| age = 30 something
| gender = Male Conforming
| location = Melbourne, Australia
| occupation = "Independent Media", AFIPN Correspondent, Terminally Ill Larper
| height = 5'5"
| weight = 60kg
| affiliations = unknown
| aliases = Meth-head, candyman, mommy’s boy
| instagram = idk
| facebook = https://www.facebook.com/anthony.burge.773
| telegram = idk
}}
Anthony Burge AKA Meth-head is a cooker who is known for abusing passersby for wearing masks, as well as police for doing their job.

== About Anthony ==

* Enjoys perving at Billboards inside shopping centres.

== Beliefs ==

Janaya Markwell

2022-02-12T05:26:54Z

JoelsFavCarpark:

[[Category:Cookers]]
{{CookerInfoBox
| image = [[File:JANAYA.jpg]]
| age = 19
| gender = Female Conforming
| location = Gold Coast, Australia
| occupation = Roller Derby
| height = 4'9"
| weight = 48kg
| affiliations = Innocence
| aliases = Roller Girl, Flower Child, Rollerskates-1-actual
| instagram = https://www.instagram.com/convoyrollergirl/
| facebook = https://www.facebook.com/convoyrollergirl/
| telegram = idk
}}
J-a-n-a-y-a Markwell, also known as Roller Girl, is a simpleton, from the Gold Coast, Australia. She is the official beat reporter for the camp.

==About Janaya==
Poor little rich girl Janaya can be found rolling through the streets of camp EPIC on a set of rollerskates that cost more than her phone, spreading her infectious positivity wherever she can.

Her signature move is complete obliviousness and lack of awareness, which has resulted in her almost being kidnapped on several occasions, and considering her parents are too wealthy for her to qualify for welfare her signature financial position is broke, but that's okay because she has plenty of time left to be able to make bank by trading off her good looks.

It is obvious that Janaya has never met a full-on punk as proper, safety-pin wearing punks are used by rich girls to punish their daddys by getting those punks to punish their arses, so Janaya is using fascists to punish her daddy instead.

{{Quote
|No, I haven't heard of Jonestown, what's that?
|Roller Girl|Camp EPIC
}}
{{Quote
|I'm not too sure about Waco or what that's about.
|Roller Girl|Camp EPIC
}}

== Things Janaya knows ==
how to batter her eyelids and get other people to pay for her. apart from that, not much apart from her favourite [[Elder Protocols of Zion|antisemitic conspiracy theories]].

== Things Janaya doesn't know ==
* Rope and Zipties in a random car are potential red flags.
Too numerous to list

Cookerforce 1

2022-02-12T05:20:26Z

JoelsFavCarpark:

[[Category:Cookers]]
{{Vehicle
| Type = Big Block Gronkmobile
| Place of Origin = Cookerstan
| In Service = Unknown - 'present'
| Used By = Cookers
| Wars = [[Canberra Siege]]
| Mass = 3.2tonnes Dry weight
30tonnes in Ego
| length = 4.6m
| width = 2.2m (approx)
| Crew = 5 cookers (Internal)
5 Cookers (boot) 
20 cookers (hanging on for dear life)
| Armor = none
| Main Armament = Empty Emu Export Cans 
Empty Monster energy drink Cans 
Body odour 
Cringe 
Weaponised Stolen Valor
| Engine = Fully-sick v6 bruz
| Power/Weight =
| Transmission = clapped out
| Suspension = Raised beyond logic
| Ground clearance = 3 cooker kids high
| Fuel capacity = 80litres
| Operational range = 150m before full oil change
| Maximum speed = 250kph (down a hill)

}}
Cookerforce 1 is an airbrushed Holden Camaro Commodore with a stinking great big chevy donk that served as a pace car during Operation Sovereign Storm's assault on Parliament house, piloted by retired digger and veteran Air Commando Brigadier Johnny Nobody. Johny has taken a wide range of experimental vaccinations in order to travel overseas to committing war crimes, having never questioned the ingredients or safety of these vaccines.

Cookerforce 1 formed the head for a number of [https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=LARP LARPing] [[Cooker|Cookers]] who flocked to Parliament House like [[Sheep_Herding|sheep]]. Despite the visibility of the gronk machine, they were not the first sheep on the journey to yell at the empty building on January 12, 2022, and did not feature in any of the few live-streams which weren't disrupted by the mass mobile phone disruption by the UN.

[[file:Cookerforce-1.png|600px]]
 '''Image''': A member of the Gravy Seals looks on over Cookerforce 1

Despite their hatred for the Australian government, and having blindly followed the government into a number of questionable conflicts, they remain "Proudly Australian".

A roadworthy certificate was unable to be produced when it was requested.

''More to come as files are declassified.''

There is potential the owner of Cookerforce 1 went on a massive bender at Summernats and just woke up believing Summernats was still happening.