Gabe
Gabe is a cooker who lives in Port Melbourne, Australia.
About Gabriel
Scientists are unsure whether Gabe is a human toe, an egg, or some kind of accursed, advanced genetic hybrid between the two.
Observers have also noted, that he may actually be a thumb, with a face drawn on.
Gabe claims the growth on his lip is plastic surgery from getting glassed in a bar fight, but it is most likely a small egg getting ready to hatch.
Habitat
He can generally be found in his bedroom, livestreaming on Instagram, while obsessing over the Twitch chats of AsSeenOnTelegram and DiscoDeadPigeon, much to the detriment of his guests, his attention rapidly drifting away from them, to fully fixate on his new addiction, leftist Twitch chat. Gabe was gifted subs to both of these channels.
Diet
Gabe's diet consists of tuna, rice and cigarettes.
Beliefs
Gabe maintains a stern policy of "All talk, no action", as he has yet to visit Canberra, but assures us all, he'll definitely Hood Oos "The Cossack" if he does.
Gabe believes that vaccine passports are equivalent to when Nazi officials implemented the Jewish badge (an identifying badge to mark Jews) between 1939 and 1945. They did so in a systematic manner, as a prelude to deporting Jews to ghettos and killing centers in German-occupied eastern Europe. It’s totally cool though because he “doesn’t believe in far right conspiracy theories”
Gabe also doesn’t believe that the mRNA vaccines are actually vaccines, since his simple egg head can’t comprehend the definition of a vaccine correctly. Instead, he believes it to be an “experimental gene therapy”, and that it hasn’t completed a phase 3 trial, so is therefore unsafe. This of course, is despite the completion of phase 3 trials as of July 22, 2021. [1]
Vaccine
/ˈvaksiːn,ˈvaksɪn/
noun: vaccine; plural noun: vaccines a substance used to stimulate the production of antibodies and provide immunity against one or several diseases, prepared from the causative agent of a disease, its products, or a synthetic substitute, treated to act as an antigen without inducing the disease. "every year the flu vaccine is modified to deal with new strains of the virus"
Gabe appears to hate women, while it is comical because he throws tantrums like a boy that partook in an emotionally incestuous relationship with a female care-giver, probably his mother, it is also alarming to the entire female population of Earth. The hen that laid this egg probably regrets roosting on what someday would be rotten and chipped. One could stipulate Gabe's rampant misogyny lends validity to the accusations he is a 'bad egg'. Gabe's stinky thousand year egg legacy rings true to those who have encountered the asshole stench of his anti-women hate speech. Egg Daddy has proven to women far and wide that he lacks the charisma or sexual appeal to be worthy of any woman, ever. Egg Pappi has been seen for what he truly is, nothing at all it was cracked up to be. Women believe Gabe pretends that he finds the egg commentary humorous as a tactic to lower ones defenses, however the hairless soft cock toxic man remains suspicious. Mr 'Don't get personal' himself has on several occasions belittled women who had the misfortune of partaking in his live Instagram videos. The fragile ego of an egg that's life has boiled down to seeking validation on Instagram to a small number of moronic viewers and leftist trolls has truly been shattered. The infamous jaw clenching that is visible when, an egg afraid of being beaten and scrambled, is being schooled by a woman will truly be his last legacy before the world moves on and validates his greatest fear, irrelevancy.
Personal Life
Gabe currently appears to be listless and directionless in life, perhaps due to his recent involvement in a one-sided parasocial relationship, as he yearns for and obsesses over a popular Twitch streamer known for her egg-baiting antics.
Soundbites
I swear to god, I'll come around there and vaccinate you in your fuckin` head!
— Leonie, The Gabe Variety Hour