Difference between revisions of "David Graham"
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[[File:GuruKek.png|thumb|500px|left|You can always trust Guru]] | [[File:GuruKek.png|thumb|500px|left|You can always trust Guru]] | ||
===Always be grifting=== | ===Always be grifting=== | ||
Guru lives by the mantra 'Always be grifting' (ABG), such as when he was soliciting donations to buy a fantasy micronation. | Guru lives by the mantra 'Always be grifting' (ABG), such as when he was soliciting donations from absolutely destitute people to buy a fantasy micronation. | ||
==Double Agent Allegations== | ==Double Agent Allegations== | ||
No intelligence agency, police human asset case manager or just graduated journalism student in their first job at some obscure regional news company who are in full possession of their mental faculties would entertain the idea of engaging this offtap cooker as a source, the bloke is a deadset liability. Unless they happened to be a high-functioning methamphetamine addict that is, then using Kanga Kooker as a source would be a smart move. The bloke clearly gets the best shit in town | No intelligence agency, police human asset case manager or just graduated journalism student in their first job at some obscure regional news company who are in full possession of their mental faculties would entertain the idea of engaging this offtap cooker as a source, the bloke is a deadset liability. Unless they happened to be a high-functioning methamphetamine addict that is, then using Kanga Kooker as a source would be a smart move. The bloke clearly gets the best shit in town | ||
Revision as of 09:57, 14 February 2022
Sovshit with Severe Substance-Abuse Sleep Dep
“Tomorrow night... do you reckon I could have like a double dose? Cause I'm havin' a real easy day before Parliament... So I'm just gonna relax tomorrow [incoherent muttering] Cool! Nah that was a nice trip right, a nice drop, I liked it.”
— David Graham, in conversation with his acid dealer
"Now you're starting to get it.”
— David Graham, in the middle of his latest grift
About Kanga Dave
David Graham AKA Kanga Guru is a notorious grifter and an angry little troll who crawled out of some back of Bourke hick town opium den after being lured out by the whiff of sweet sweet grift gofuckme funds by friend, fellow sovshit redneck and glass barbie enthusiast Jimmy Greer. He is frequently seen beside his master, Riccardo Bosi.
Guru is well known for live streaming a conversation with his meth dealer at Cookerchella.
Guru was last seen soliciting donations from the camp to buy a 300 acre farm, before disappearing. This was totally legit, trust him.
Beliefs
Talking about the quality of your 'gear' with your dealer, whilst live streaming.
It is plausible that everything Guru said during loserpalooza was just part of an acid trip. He'll likely wake up in his boat in a few days and think this was all not real.
Cooker Influencer Cred/Claim to Fames
None that our researchers have been able to uncover, which is puzzling given notoriously tough crowd of Freedom bravehearts have been remarkably accommodating of this newcomer commandeering megaphone rights and have been seen tolerating the incoherent racist delusional rantings of this crackhead.
Guru's most cooked moment was probably when he advocated for bombing Parliament House in front of a roaring crowd.
Personal life
The Guru lives on a boat and loves psychedelics - but not vaccines that are clearly experimental and dangerous.
Always be grifting
Guru lives by the mantra 'Always be grifting' (ABG), such as when he was soliciting donations from absolutely destitute people to buy a fantasy micronation.
Double Agent Allegations
No intelligence agency, police human asset case manager or just graduated journalism student in their first job at some obscure regional news company who are in full possession of their mental faculties would entertain the idea of engaging this offtap cooker as a source, the bloke is a deadset liability. Unless they happened to be a high-functioning methamphetamine addict that is, then using Kanga Kooker as a source would be a smart move. The bloke clearly gets the best shit in town