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Difference between revisions of "Camp EPIC"
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Camp EPIC | '''Camp EPIC''', also known as '''Camp Cooker''', '''EPIC''', '''Cookerchella''' or '''Centrelink Summer Camp''', was established in early February 2022 to house antivax refugees from all over Australia. Outside of its current occupation, Exhibition Park in Canberra’s camping facilities are set on 70 hectares of unique country surroundings only 8 minutes north of the city centre and offer full amenities including: | ||
* showers, toilets and laundry | |||
* Powered and un-powered sites with access to water | |||
* Quiet location | |||
* Pet friendly | |||
* Public transport services | |||
* Farmers market every Saturday morning | |||
* Large drive through grass sites for caravans and motor-homes | |||
* Grey water and black water dump points | |||
Exhibition Park in Canberra is home to many local and national events all year round including exhibitions, fairs and festivals. | |||
==History== | ==History== | ||
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The EPIC greeting party is comprised of six bogans, a girl on roller skates and a pig. All of whom clap and cheer as cars enter the settlement. | The EPIC greeting party is comprised of six bogans, a girl on roller skates and a pig. All of whom clap and cheer as cars enter the settlement. | ||
===Attempted coup d'état=== | ===Attempted coup d'état=== | ||
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===Battle of EPIC=== | ===Battle of EPIC=== | ||
''Main | ''Main article: [[Battle of EPIC]]'' | ||
The '''Battle of EPIC''', also known as the '''Cooker Offensive''', is an ongoing conflict in the battlefields of EPIC Campground in Canberra, Australia; between [[Graham Hood|Admiral 'Captain Hoody' Hood]] , and [[Riccardo Bosi|General Riccardo 'Il Douche' Bosi]]. The struggle is primarily centered on whether Camp EPIC should execute politicians, or baptise them. | |||
===Exodus from EPIC=== | |||
Hungover and tuckered out from their [[Operation Sovereign Storm|antics]] the previous day, and threatened with eviction by the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illuminati World Bank], the Cookers began a mass exodus from EPIC on 13 February 2022. | |||
Some intrepid Cookers, likely high on meth or something sourced from local supplier [[David Graham|Dave 'Guru']], decided it would prudent if they [https://twitter.com/CelerySorbet/status/1492484396263571458?t=jx8xTeHSA_X_anLdW9qNtw&s=19 '''blockaded the EPIC gates'''] and not let anyone leave. So proud were they of their plan, they threatened anyone listening in with physical violence. | |||
General (ret) [[Riccardo Bosi|Riccardo Bosilini]] attempted to lead the exodus to a new campsite at the promised land of Caloola, but a UN roadblock was already waiting for them. | |||
[[File:UnitedNations.jpeg|200px|thumb|Eviction notice from the World Bank.|none]][[File:EPICBlocker.PNG|200px|thumb|This [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathy strapping young lad] certainly didn't enjoy his super secret meeting being filmed and threatened the cameraman with physical violence. His estimated height is 5'4" and allegedly, we stress only '''allegedly''', has a micropenis.|none]] | |||
===Aftermath=== | |||
After being evicted and attempting to bullshit their way into Caloola Farm multiple times only to be drustrated by police roadblocks, cookers attempted to settle at other campgrounds like Commonwealth Park and Cotter Campgrounds. | |||
<youtube>PUJzKgFns60</youtube> <youtube>LLj4O-NkS5Q</youtube> | |||
==System of Government== | ==System of Government== | ||
At time of writing, the current leader/s of EPIC are unclear, as they change on a daily basis. Whoever holds the microphone during their nightly meeting is able to command the residents, or read bad poetry. The nightly meeting has been affectionately referred to as 'Open Mic Night'. However, it is mandatory for the speaker to claim to not be the leader, despite clearly telling people what to do. [[Graham_Hood|Captain Dementia]] popularised this during his time leading the cookers, but most of the Hall of Fame have employed this as well. | At time of writing, the current leader/s of EPIC are unclear, as they change on a daily basis. Whoever holds the microphone during their nightly meeting is able to command the residents, or read bad poetry. The nightly meeting has been affectionately referred to as 'Open Mic Night'. However, it is mandatory for the speaker to claim to not be the leader, despite clearly telling people what to do. [[Graham_Hood|Captain Dementia]] popularised this during his time leading the cookers, but most of the Hall of Fame have employed this as well. | ||
===Camp rules=== | |||
[[File:CampCookerRules.jpeg|200px|left|thumb|Official rules of Cookerchella.]] | |||
Due to the absolutely unhinged nature of a [[Cooker|Cooker]], the camp was forced to make some rules around basic human decency: | |||
{{Quote | | |||
* Due to reports of 'theifts', keep your cars and tents locked at all times. If you don't have tent locks come ask for a free one at the kitchen and DO NOT leave babies or pets 'ungarded' in your locked tent or car! | |||
* Do your poops in the designated toilets ONLY as its getting out of hand. | |||
* Guys 'wholfwhistles' are not cool, nor is continually hitting on the yoga chicks. They didn't come here just for your male gaze. | |||
* The pink eye outbreak is 'worsen' today and it is spreading fast. Please if your eyes are dripping gross stuff, come see the medical tent because we have got herb ointments to fix. '''Remember, do not touch your eyes after you have pooped'''. | |||
* Please wear thong or shoes that is waterproof in the showers as we are getting lots of reports of fungus foot. | |||
* '''Failure to 'adhear' to these rules will mean that you might get [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaccination 'enjected'] from the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sty freedom camp].''' | |||
|''Camp rules''<br /> | |||
}} | |||
==Crime== | ==Crime== | ||
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Although not illegal, it is thought that many unvaxxed sperms were deposited into the pure blood freedom fighters using traditional methods on a nightly basis. Thus ensuring the legacy of these idiots will continue, at least for another generation. | Although not illegal, it is thought that many unvaxxed sperms were deposited into the pure blood freedom fighters using traditional methods on a nightly basis. Thus ensuring the legacy of these idiots will continue, at least for another generation. | ||
Due to their sense of entitlement and general lawlessness, the Cookers [https://www.canberratimes.com.au/story/7617787/canberrans-donate-to-lifeline-after-bookfair-cancelled-but-still-huge-shortfall/?cs=14264 forced the local Lifeline book fair, gladly celebrating its 50th anniversary, to have to close]. | |||
== Dog cage Glory Holes== | == Dog cage Glory Holes== | ||
It is unsure when they resorted too base methods to fund this ongoing conflict. Some sources indicate fairly early on in their occupation of EPIC citing 'in the epic economy $20 dollars is literally a million dollars'. First out break of CRD's (convoy related diseases) were spotted easily on journalist faces. | It is unsure when they resorted too base methods to fund this ongoing conflict. Some sources indicate fairly early on in their occupation of EPIC citing 'in the epic economy $20 dollars is literally a million dollars'. First out break of CRD's (convoy related diseases) were spotted easily on journalist faces. | ||