Graham Hood
Admiral (ret) Graham Archibald Theodore Hood, also known as the Admiral, is a former self confessed porn addict and freelance author, from Sydney, Australia. He has been accused of being controlled opposition and threatened to quit the protests on several occasions. Despite these continued setbacks, he is the reluctant leader of Camp Cooker (despite staying in his own private accommodation). His archnemisis is noted insurrectionist General (ret) Riccardo Bosilini.
Never far away from a mention of God, Hoody expressed his interest in baptising people in a speech to the motley crew at Camp Cooker.
Co-author of The Hidden Battle: Breaking Free, a book about escaping from porn addiction and addiction to prostitutes.
“My name is Graham [...] and my struggle is pornography.”
— Graham Hood, The Hidden Battle: Breaking Free
“If there's anything else you wanna do, you do it. But don't follow me. I am not the Captain of anything. It would be like flying an airplane into a blind valley.”
— Admiral (ret) Hood, on the steps of the ACT Magistrates Court
Personal Life
Michelle Hood saved Hoody from a crippling pornography addiction. Together, they help others to turn around their addiction. It is believed that the former pilot developed this addiction whilst a pilot for Qantas, which allowed him to travel around the world to find the most depraved and horrific pornography. Thanks to Michelle, he no longer watches pornography, but has been seen to leave multiple fire emojis (🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥) on posts by instagram thots, and leave lewd messages in their inboxes.
It's unknown what sort of sick and twisted porn Hoody was addicted to, but it must have been pretty bad for him to need to turn to jesus. We're not talking vanilla stuff like incest porn, we're talking deep and dark stuff. Hoody may be one of the original coomers.
Rumour has it that it was during a no-fap November that he realised the Government is all a zionist conspiracy and the vaccines are going to turn the frogs gay.
Hobbies
- Dancing with the devil
Battle of EPIC
Admiral Hood is currently involved in a leadership struggle against his archnemesis and Camp Cooker Insurrectionist-in-Chief, Riccardo Bosilini, and his sidekick 'the Guru'. Drone swarms, under the command of Admiral Hood, have allegedly conducted flyovers of Camp Cooker during Bosi's morning briefings, in order to gather intelligence. They have not been successful.
Unmarked vehicles, equipped with radiation weapons, have also been sighted near the front of Camp Cooker. It is not known whether they are acting under the orders of Admiral Hood.
Double agent allegations
Rumours have been heard throughout the EPIC camp that Hoody is in fact, a Hillsong plant, actively working for Scott Morrison to sow discord amongst the movement.
Story Time with Hoody
Story time with Hoody is a frequent occurrence when Admiral Hood gets really fired up. He recounts stories he has read in various Peter FitzSimmons 'history' books about World War One and World War Two and unfortunately, due to his dementia, has mixed up details, events and even plot points between the two wars. Story Time with Hoody usually ends with a prayer to the ANZACS to watch over them, not realising that if any ANZAC was around to see this, he would clip Hoody over the ear and tell him to man up and get vaccinated.
It is widely suspected that story time is a symptom that either Hoody is suffering from dementia or an extreme case of coomerbrain, due to his relapse into hardcore porn addiction.