Difference between revisions of "Battle of EPIC"
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[[Riccardo Bosi|Bosi]] | [[Riccardo Bosi|Bosi]] | ||
[[The Guru]] | [[David_%27Kanga_Guru%27_Graham |The Guru]] | ||
[[Phil 'Hendo' Henderson]] | [[Phil 'Hendo' Henderson]] | ||
Revision as of 23:30, 11 February 2022
The Battle of EPIC, also known as the Cooker Offensive, is an ongoing conflict in the battlefields of EPIC Campground in Canberra, Australia. Both sides are in a power struggle for leadership of the EPIC camp.
Drone swarms, commanded by Admiral Hood, have allegedly conducted flyovers of Camp Cooker during Bosi's morning briefings, to gather intelligence. As of yet they have failed to find any intelligence. Unmarked vehicles, equipped with radiation weapons, have also been sighted near the front of Camp Cooker. It is not known whether they are acting under the orders of Admiral Hood.
Bosilini's forces hope to achieve a total surprise honking on the morning of 12 February 2022, due to a combination of Hoodite overconfidence, preoccupation with grifter plans, and poor aerial reconnaissance due to totally unexpected bad Canberra weather.
Bosilini's initial attack may involve 5 million men, just over 1,400 utes, Toyota Hiluxes, and second-hand camo gear; 2,600 air horns; and a lot of stolen valour, as well as large numbers of other armored fighting vehicles (AFVs).
Both sides have threatened to use weaponised vaccinations.
Joel may be seen wandering the battlefield searching for his car.
The battle may be postponed while the main incursion Operation Sovereign Storm is underway.
United Nations (Illuminati) intervention
On 11 February 2022, the ACT Government, under orders from the United Nations, who were under orders from the World Bank, air dropped notices around EPIC demanding that both sides immediately cease hostilities and vacate the grounds by 13 February 2022. Admiral Hood refused to recognise the authority of the World Bank, or any corporation. Bosilini laughed off the Government's threats, noting that after the weekend he'd be the Government.
President Putin amassed 100,000 troops at its border with Ukraine, as Russia prepares to invade the country in order to prevent the NATO invasion of Camp EPIC.
Initial Bosilini assault
On 12 February 2022 at 05:30, Bosilini's forces plan to begin an assault with a massive, 90-minute honking barrage using 1,600 cars across a 5-kilometer front on Admiral Hood's troops facing the 6th Absolutely Positively Cooked Army.